A couple of years ago, I had a job interview with the CHRO of a company.
One of the questions he asked was “What drives you?”. I rattled off a few rehearsed lines. The CHRO didn’t seem too impressed and said “Kheng Liang, your answers come across as “canned”. I don’t get a good sense of what really drives you.” He then encouraged me to be authentic to help him to know me better.
At this point, I thought I probably flunked the interview. Seeing that I had nothing to lose, I decided to open up. I told him that my biggest source of motivation is my family. I shared that when I was in business school, there was a line in our Yearbook stating where we would see ourselves in 5 to 10 years time. My answer was “Family Man”. At that point in time, my wife and I were expecting our first born and being a dad was something I looked forward to.
I also shared that my career decisions over the years were largely driven by family considerations. Early on, my wife and I decided that we didn’t want to have a domestic helper and neither set of grandparents could help with childcare on a regular basis. That meant depending on full day childcare services and ourselves. Which also meant that being away from the family for extended periods was not feasible. I thus decided to not explore jobs that require travelling and I tried to avoid office social events as much as possible.
Could I have done more to get ahead further and faster in my career? Probably. Did I regret doing what I did? No, for I am proud to say I didn’t miss a single milestone of our 2 kids’ growing up years.
Long story short, I managed to turn around that interview to progress to the next round. Although I didn’t end up getting the job, I am thankful to the CHRO for his probing question, which gave me clarity on what really matters to me.
Shortly after, I started my own headhunting business and thankfully it is still doing fine 1.5 years on. More importantly, what is driving me to persevere in running my own business is family. I had full flexibility on time to be there for my family: driving my children to school activities, buying food/cooking for family etc.
I figured the kids are growing up fast and in no time, I will be facing an empty nest. For as long as I can, I would like to spend more time with them so that we have more shared memories together.
It is sometimes difficult for fathers (especially in an Asian society) to articulate the challenges we face. There is still a stigma for men to be deemed as “unambitious” so it is hard to admit that we sometimes deliberately run slower in our careers.
On this Father’s Day, I would like to wish all fellow fathers out there a Happy Father’s Day! Let’s have more honest conversations around the personal and professional challenges that fathers face. You are doing great and you are not alone. :)
(Picture taken at MacRitchie after I sent my daughter for her canoeing training.)
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